


Harry Is Not Amused

by Arcangelo



Series: Adventures of the Sassy Dark Lord [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Fic, Evil Harry Potter, Evil Voldemort, Harry is gayer than a rainbow, Implied/Referenced Mpreg, Lord Voldemort is Fabulous, M/M, Male Slash, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Parody, Sorry Not Sorry, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5766253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcangelo/pseuds/Arcangelo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p class="font-serif">Harry receives mysterious texts from an unknown sender, which is obviously Voldemort, if you read my Part 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Is Not Amused

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take this story seriously..this is just my way of curing boredom by writing weird stuff. Sorry.

* * *

**Harry is Not Amused**  
**Part 2 of 'Adventures of the Sassy Dark Lord'**  
_Future Lord Voldemort/Harry Potter_  
**Crack Fic**  
“This is talking aloud.”  
**_“This is Parseltongue.”_  
**

* * *

Harry was sitting in the common listening to, what was her name again? Vagina? Virginia? Giner..Ginny! That was her name about how they would get married and have babies and they would be the next Lily and James, which is creepy as fuck in his opinion.

He doesn’t even like redheads contrary to what Sirius said about all Potter’s having a thing for redheads, gross.

Just thinking about a vagina makes him want to vomit, he knew he came from one but that’s the only way he would ever be in contact with a vagina, in all of his life.

Dicks not chicks, was his motto. Quiet like Dumblydore in that regard.

He looked down at his phone completely forgetting about Vagina, that’s what he’s going to call her from now on, much more catchy than ‘Ginny’. What kind of name is that anyway, he thought.

 **[15:02:49] Unknown Number:** Hare-Bear, do you want to have kittens?  
**[15:03:02] Unknown Number:** Pwease?  
**[15:04:45] Unknown Number:** Pretty Pwease?  
**[15:05:20] Unknown Number:** WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!  
**[15:06:01] Unknown Number:** PLEASE, I PAINTED MY NAILS WITH LIGHTNING BOLTS FOR YOU!  
**[15:07:06] Unknown Number:** Do you even like males?  
**[15:07:10] Unknown Number:** Probably not, just my luck, I would fall for a guy who doesn’t even like the male species, probably don’t like Nekos either.

**_WAIT NEKO!?_ **

Harry knew he had an unhealthy attraction to people with cat ears, cat tails, whiskers and claws. He would marry a Neko if it ever went down too it.

He would love to see his children be kittens for the first couple months of their lives.

 **[15:12:01] Harry Potter:** Who is this?  
**[15:12:12] Unknown Number:** That's for me to know and you to find out baby! **  
**


End file.
